There are times in our lives when it seems that no matter how hard we pray, God is just not listening. It seems like each of us will face trials that we can never over come. But through every trial there is always a lesson to be learned.
One of the hardest lessons in life to learn concerns this freedom of choice God has given to all of us. For some of us, divorce may be the toughest trial we face. But this trial can open a window to give us a view to a better understanding of how God must respect the choice of one individual over another.
When my divorce became final, I really could not see any redeeming value or lessons to be learned. It was just a fact some one had made a decision that greatly impacted my life. And there was really nothing I could do about it.
It seemed as if I had hit bottom. But only a few weeks later I found out my ex-wife was moving 200 miles away. Of course our two children were going with her. So much for a court agreement on visitation rights. We would just have to work out another plan. So we agreed to meet at a pick up point half way.
The first time I had to drive all the way up north to drop off my two kids was one of my most depressing days of my life. I wondered how I was going to be an influence in their lives being 200 miles away. The drive itself seemed so long. Nearly 2 hours each way. The first time seems even longer. Trying to follow a map. Wondering if you already passed the highway you are looking for.
As I dropped them off and started to drive back I felt like crying. It seemed like my kids were gone. Two weeks or more without them. The mileage and wear and tear on the car. It had nearly 100,000 miles on it already. I couldn’t afford a new one. It also needed new tires pretty soon. I had no money. And what about Noelle? At age 12 she was entering a critical time in her life when she needed guidance. How could I offer any help at all from 200 miles away. There was the telephone. But now it was going to be long distance. How was I going to pay for that. And little Carmen. At only two would she soon forget about me. When I picked her up she was so sleepy. But some how she seemed afraid of me. My ex-wife said she probably doesn’t recognize me. It had been almost 2 months since I had seen my girls. How long would it be this time. One maybe two months? What would little Carmen think about me?
As I drove home on that summer day I just couldn’t bring myself to care about anything. I had the cruise control set and there was no traffic at all. After a while there was a storm front approaching. The sky was black and the clouds seemed to touch the ground. I just looked at those clouds and something inside of me convinced me that the storm was my life. I could never get any better. It was just going to get worse. What good could come out of this? My kids were being ripped away from me. What did I have to live for?
As I approached the storm you could see the rain coming down a mile away. The sun was behind me and nothing but darkness in front of me. Was this a picture of my life? The rain looked like a wall raising up into the dark forbidding sky. Seconds away I decided to just leave the cruise control set and said to God, “I’m at the bottom, I just don’t care anymore. My life is in your hands. You do what you need to do.”
A second later I hit a solid wall of rain. I reached over and turned the wipers on high. I couldn’t see 40 feet in front of me. I didn’t know the road but I remembered it did have a lot of curves.
I just didn’t have any idea where they were. Was God going to be with me? It was His time to show Himself.
Just a few seconds into the storm, driving a few hundred feet or so into the rain my hand was just reaching over from the wiper controls over to the headlight switch. Just as I pulled the switch all of the way out I saw a set of tail lights flash. Someone in front of me was stepping on the brakes. I touched my brakes to release the cruise control. Then touched on them again to slow down. A set of taillights were in front of me. Now about 60 feet away. I glanced down and saw that I had slowed to 45 MPH. Even at 60 feet, the rain was coming down so hard the tail lights were in and out of my view. I never knew where those lights came from. I followed those tail lights for about 10 minutes. Then I saw the brakes come on again. They just flashed on twice and turned off to the right. As quickly as the rain began, it stopped.
When I got to the other side of the storm a rainbow appeared to the south east. I was traveling east and the road was curving what seemed to be a bit to the north. But this rainbow seemed to follow along with me. There were no other cars on the road at all. I was coming closer and closer to the rainbow. As the road turned, the rainbow turned with me. After a few minutes, instead of being to my right it was right in front of me. The end of the rainbow was reaching down to the road right in front of me. But now instead of getting closer it seemed to be keeping pace with me. But it was still getting a bit closer and closer. It started out to be as wide as the entire road. But as it got closer it seemed to grow narrower and narrower. I though it was disappearing. Then the road curved a bit to the right. I thought for sure this was the last I would see of the rainbow, expect for a look in the rear view mirror. After all I was traveling east and the storm was heading west. But as the road straightened out the rainbow came to rest on the left front fender of the car.
The colors were so vivid. The yellow was closest to me. Just inches from the windshield. I could see a clear distinction between the yellow and the orange, the orange and the red. The blue was next to the red with a green strip on the outside. Beyond the green there was just a hint of purple.
As the road turned and twisted that rainbow stayed right on the fender of my car. I thought of how this could be possible. It just stayed there for what seemed like 10 minutes. And then I remembered that God uses His rainbow to remind us of His promises. God was promising to be with me. To stay with me no matter which way I turned. To the left or to the right, God was still there right along side of me. The rainbow almost seemed to be leading me.
I now thought I had already passed the storm in my life. God had been there to see me through that. He had put all of the right people in my life at the right time. I thought of all those people. The things they said. The timing in which they said them. The things they meant to me. And I realized I had never told a single person 10 percent of what I had been going through. But some how they knew what to say. And more importantly when to say it. God was with them also. All those colors told me all of the ways God had been working in my life all of the time. And that little hint of purple bridged along the outside. Some times I have a hard time seeing exactly what God is doing. Or trying to do. But He is always there holding everything together.
Advent Bible Study 