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Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) Tender Ties That Bind

Posted by Ez1 Realty on September 10, 2008

Advent Bible Study has moved to

I will leave this free website up on wordpress, because to tell you the truth, there is so much information to move. And WordPress will only move a website if you purchase a web hosting package from them. Plus a few hundred dollars to press a button to make the move. Well I’m not rich. So the old website stays in, but all the new updates will be posted on

That only makes sense. If you want to stay updated, subscribe to the new site. You’ll receive an email every time the website is updated. I am also added a front page offer for a free eBook every once in a while. The trouble that is, people download the free copy and sell it on Amazon, ebay, and other sites. The books are spread around, but I see no funds. I don’t like dealing with Internet pirates, but maybe one day they will pick open up a book and read it.

There are all kinds of new updates from Genesis to revelation, Bible Study tools, videos, and more. The transition should be easy, the site looks more professional, and has many more ways to interact media with the written word. It takes a bit of creativity, a lot of time and prayer, and unfortunately I feel the need to add ads to help pay for the extra expenses. The cost to stay on the Internet keeps going up. Domains cost money. The new site charges by the month, and all the costs keep rising. A few ad clicks a day will help pay the expenses.

I am new to the ad market, so if anyone has any suggestions, leave a comment. Wish me luck, and I will keep writing and posting stories and studies worth reading and sharing.

Thank you for your past and future support and God Bless….


Let me tell you something. When you asked God for wisdom, and He handed you a big black book over 1000 pages long. What did you do? Did you say it was too hard, and give up? Or did you look for someone to read it for you, and give you the quick run down on what it says? We are in the end of a spiritual war. Don’t you think it’s time to read the manual? The best thing you can do is pick up the book, read it, and if you need help, find someone who is able to explain how to understand scripture.

Tender Ties That Bind.–The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to

Ellen White James

Ellen White James

mankind. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities.
Every home should be a place of love, a place where the angels of God abide, working with softening,
subduing influence upon the hearts of parents and children.
Our homes must be made a Bethel, our hearts a shrine. Wherever the love of God is cherished in the soul, there will be peace, there will be light and joy. Spread out the word of God before your families in love, and ask, “What hath God spoken?”

He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet performed His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing it as an institution that He Himself had established. . . .
Christ honored the marriage relation by making it also a symbol of the union between Him and His redeemed ones. He Himself is the Bridegroom; the bride is the church, of which, as His chosen one, He says, “Thou art all fair, My love; there is no spot in thee.”  {AH 26.2}

Learn what Jesus taught His disciples about relationships.

Download the eBook showing how Jesus taught about the relationship with God, He established in Eden.

A Happy or Unhappy Marriage?–If those who are contemplating marriage would not have miserable, unhappy reflections after marriage, they must make it a subject of serious, earnest reflection now. This step taken unwisely is one of the most effective means of ruining the usefulness of young men and women. Life becomes a burden, a curse. No one can so effectually ruin a woman’s happiness and usefulness, and make life a heartsickening burden, as her own husband; and no one can do one hundredth part as much to chill the hopes and aspirations of a man, to paralyze his energies and ruin his influence and prospects, as his own wife. It is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hopes of the future life.
I wish I could make the youth see and feel their danger, especially the danger of making unhappy marriages.  {AH 43.2}
Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him. We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself. I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to marry one whom he does not love. This would be sin. But fancy and the emotional nature must not be allowed to lead on to ruin. God requires the whole heart, the supreme affections.

A Safe Marriage Alliance.–It is only in Christ that a marriage alliance can be safely formed. Human love should draw its closest bonds from divine love. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish affection.

Counsel to a Newly Married Couple.–Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . .  {AH 95.1}
Both of you need to be converted. Neither of you have a proper idea of the meaning of obedience to God. Study the words, “He that is not with Me is against Me; and he that gathereth not with Me scattereth abroad.” I sincerely hope that you will both become true children of God, servants to whom He can entrust responsibilities. Then peace and confidence and faith will come to you. Yes, you may both be happy, consistent Christians. Cultivate keenness of perception, that you may know how to choose the good and refuse the evil. Make the word of God your study. The Lord Jesus wants you to be saved. He has wonderfully preserved you, my brother, that your life may be one of usefulness. Bring all the good works possible into it.  {AH 95.2}
Unless you have an earnest desire to become children of God, you will not understand clearly how to help each other. To each other ever be tender and thoughtful, giving up your own wishes and purposes to make each other happy. Day by day you may make advancement in self-knowledge. Day by day you may learn better how to strengthen your weak points of character. The Lord Jesus will be your light, your strength, your crown of rejoicing, because you yield the will to His will. . . .  {AH 95.3}
You need the subduing grace of God in your heart. Do not desire a life of ease and inactivity. All who are connected with the Lord’s work must be constantly on guard against selfishness. Keep your lamp trimmed and burning. Then you will not be reckless of your words and actions. You will both be happy if you try to please each other. Keep the windows of the soul closed earthward and opened heavenward.  {AH 96.1}
Men and women may reach a high standard, if they will but acknowledge Christ as their personal Saviour. Watch and pray, making a surrender of all to God. The knowledge that you are striving for eternal life will strengthen and comfort you both. In thought, in word, in action, you are to be lights in the world. Discipline yourselves in the Lord; for He has committed to you sacred trusts, which you cannot properly fulfill without this discipline. By believing in Jesus, you are not only to save your own souls, but by precept and example you are to seek to save other souls. Take Christ as your pattern. Hold Him up as the One who can give you power to overcome. Utterly destroy the root of selfishness. Magnify God, for you are His children. Glorify your Redeemer, and He will give you a place in His kingdom.  {AH 96.2}

Christ came not to destroy this institution, but to restore it to its original sanctity and elevation. He came to restore the moral image of God in man, and He began His work by sanctioning the marriage relation.  {AH 99.2}
He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet performed His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing it as an institution that He Himself had established. He ordained that men and women should be united in holy wedlock, to rear families whose members, crowned with honor, should be recognized as members of the family above.  {AH 99.3}
Jesus Wants Happy Marriages.–The divine love emanating from Christ never destroys human love, but includes it. By it human love is refined and purified, elevated and ennobled. Human love can never bear its precious fruit until it is united with the divine nature and trained to grow heavenward. Jesus wants to see happy marriages, happy firesides.

Learn about what Jesus taught about the relationship He needed on His way to the cross.

A book based on Mark’s Gospel showing how Jesus called out for the type of relationship He hoped to find here.

Be as true as steel to your marriage vows, refusing, in thought, word, or deed, to spoil your record as a man who fears God and obeys His commandments.  {AH 104.1}

The Enemy Will Seek to Alienate.–Satan is ever ready to take advantage when any matter of variance arises, and by moving upon the objectionable, hereditary traits of character in husband or wife, he will try to cause the alienation of those who have united their interests in a solemn covenant before God. In the marriage vows they have promised to be as one, the wife covenanting to love and obey her husband, the husband promising to love and cherish his wife. If the law of God is obeyed, the demon of strife will be kept out of the family, and no separation of interests will take place, no alienation of affection will be permitted.  {AH 106.3}

Men and women can reach God’s ideal for them if they will take Christ as their helper. What human wisdom cannot do, His grace will accomplish for those who give themselves to Him in loving trust. His providence can unite hearts in bonds that are of heavenly origin. Love will not be a mere exchange of soft and flattering words. The loom of heaven weaves with warp and woof finer, yet more firm, than can be woven by the looms of earth. The result is not a tissue fabric, but a texture that will bear wear and test and trial. Heart will be bound to heart in the golden bonds of a love that is enduring.
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.  {AH 118.2}

Maintain Family Privacy.–Oh, how many lives are made bitter by the breaking down of the walls which inclose the privacies of every family, and which are calculated to preserve its purity and sanctity! A third person is taken into the confidence of the wife, and her private family matters are laid open before the special friend. This is the device of Satan to estrange the hearts of the husband and wife. Oh, that this would cease! What a world of trouble would be saved! Lock within your own hearts the knowledge of each other’s faults. Tell your troubles alone to God. He can give you right counsel and sure consolation which will be pure, having no bitterness in it.  {AH 337.3}
When a woman relates her family troubles or complains of her husband to another man, she violates her marriage vows; she dishonors her husband and breaks down the wall erected to preserve the sanctity of the marriage relation; she throws wide open the door and invites Satan to enter with his insidious temptations. This is just as Satan would have it. If a woman comes to a Christian brother with a tale of her woes, her disappointments and trials, he should ever advise her, if she must confide her troubles to someone, to select sisters for her confidants, and then there will be no appearance of evil whereby the cause of God may suffer reproach.  {AH 338.1}

Counsel to One Contemplating Divorce.–Your ideas in regard to the marriage relation have been erroneous. Nothing but the violation of the marriage bed can either break or annul the marriage vow. We are living in perilous times, when there is no assurance in anything save in firm, unwavering faith in Jesus Christ. There is no heart that may not be estranged from God through the devices of Satan, if one does not watch unto prayer.

Your health would have been in a far better condition had your mind been at peace and rest; but it became confused and unbalanced, and you reasoned incorrectly in regard to the matter of divorce. Your views cannot be sustained on the ground from which you reason. Men are not at liberty to make a standard of law for themselves, to avoid God’s law and please their own inclination. They must come to God’s great moral standard of righteousness. . . .  {AH 342.1}
God gave only one cause why a wife should leave her husband, or the husband leave his wife, which was adultery. Let this ground be prayerfully considered.  {AH 342.2}

A Wife Urged to Change Disposition, Not the Marriage Status.–I have received a letter from your husband. I would say that there is only one thing for which a husband may lawfully separate from his wife or a wife from her husband, and that is adultery.  {AH 345.1}
If your dispositions are not congenial, would it not be for the glory of God for you to change these dispositions?      A husband and wife should cultivate respect and affection for each other. They should guard the spirit, the words, and the actions so that nothing will be said or done to irritate or annoy. Each is to have a care for the other, doing all in their power to strengthen their mutual affection.  {AH 345.3}
I tell you both to seek the Lord. In love and kindness do your duty one to the other. The husband should cultivate industrious habits, doing his best to support his family. This will lead his wife to have respect for him. . . .  {AH 345.4}
My sister, you cannot please God by maintaining your present attitude. Forgive your husband. He is your husband, and you will be blessed in striving to be a dutiful, affectionate wife. Let the law of kindness be on your lips. You can and must change your attitude.  {AH 345.5}
You must both study how you can assimilate, instead of differing, with one another. . . . The use of mild, gentle methods will make a surprising difference in your lives.

We must keep close to the word of God. We need its warnings and encouragement, its threatenings and promises. We need the perfect example given only in the life and character of our Saviour. Angels of God will preserve His people while they walk in the path of duty, but there is no assurance of such protection for those who deliberately venture upon Satan’s ground. An agent of the great deceiver will say and do anything to gain his object. It matters little whether he calls himself a spiritualist, an “electric physician,” or a “magnetic healer.” By specious pretenses he wins the confidence of the unwary. He pretends to read the life history and to understand all the difficulties and afflictions of those who resort to him. Disguising himself as an angel of light, while the blackness of the pit is in his heart, he manifests great interest in women who seek his counsel. He tells them that all their troubles are due to an unhappy marriage. This may be too true, but such counsel does not better their condition. He tells them that they need love and sympathy. Pretending great interest in their welfare, he casts a spell over his unsuspecting victims, charming them as the serpent charms the trembling bird. Soon they are completely in his power, and sin, disgrace, and ruin are the terrible sequel.  {CH 459.1}
Our only safety is in preserving the ancient landmarks. “To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.” Isaiah 8:20.

The signs of Christ’s coming are fast fulfilling. Satan sees that he has but a short time in which to work, and he has set his agencies to work to stir up the elements of the world, that men may be deceived, deluded, and kept occupied and entranced until the day of probation shall be ended and the door of mercy be forever shut.  {CT 414.1}

Both at the marriage feast and upon the cross, the love expressed in tone and look and manner interpreted His words.  {DA 146.1}

The gift of Christ to the marriage feast was a symbol. The water represented baptism into His death; the wine, the shedding of His blood for the sins of the world. The water to fill the jars was brought by human hands, but the word of Christ alone could impart to it life-giving virtue. So with the rites which point to the Saviour’s death. It is only by the power of Christ, working through faith, that they have efficacy to nourish the soul.  {DA 148.4}
The word of Christ supplied ample provision for the feast. So abundant is the provision of His grace to blot out the iniquities of men, and to renew and sustain the soul.  {DA 149.1}

In both the Old and the New Testament, the marriage relation is employed to represent the tender and sacred union that exists between Christ and His people. To the mind of Jesus the gladness of the wedding festivities pointed forward to the rejoicing of that day when He shall bring home His bride to the Father’s house, and the redeemed with the Redeemer shall sit down to the marriage supper of the Lamb. He says, “As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.” “Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; . . . but thou shalt be called My Delight; . . . for the Lord delighteth in thee.” “He will rejoice over thee with joy; He will rest in His love, He will joy over thee with singing.” Isa. 62:5, 4, margin; Zeph. 3:17. When the vision of heavenly things was granted to John the apostle, he wrote: “I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to Him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His wife hath made herself ready.” “Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb.” Rev. 19:6, 7, 9.  {DA 151.1}

If Christ indeed is formed within, the hope of glory, there will be union and love in the home. Christ abiding in the heart of the wife will be at agreement with Christ abiding in the heart of the husband. They will be striving together for the mansions Christ has gone to prepare for those who love Him.  {FLB 252.5}
Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish love. Then soul will be knit with soul, and the two lives will blend in harmony. Angels of God will be guests in the home, and their holy vigils will hallow the marriage chamber. [SEE THE ADVENTIST HOME, CHAPTER 18, “MARITAL DUTIES AND PRIVILEGES,” PAGES 121-128.]  {FLB 252.6}

The marriage vow . . . links the destinies of the two individuals with bonds which nought but the hand of death should sever.  {FLB 253.2}
In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus declared plainly that there could be no dissolution of the marriage tie, except for unfaithfulness to the marriage vow. “Every one,” He said, “that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.” Matt. 5:32, R.V. . . .  {FLB 253.3}
Jesus pointed His hearers back to the marriage institution as ordained at creation. . . . Then marriage and the Sabbath had their origin, twin institutions for the glory of God in the benefit of humanity. Then, as the Creator joined the hands of the holy pair in wedlock, . . . He enunciated the law of marriage for all the children of Adam to the close of time. That which the Eternal Father Himself had pronounced good was the law of highest blessing and development for man. Like every other one of God’s good gifts entrusted to the keeping of humanity, marriage has been perverted by sin; but it is the purpose of the gospel to restore its purity and beauty.  {FLB 253.4}
Men and women, at the beginning of married life, should reconsecrate themselves to God. . . .  {FLB 253.5}
Where the Spirit of God reigns, there will be no talk of unsuitability in the marriage relation.  {FLB 253.6}
Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Eph. 5:23.  {FLB 259.1}
The Lord has constituted the husband the head of the wife to be her protector; he is the house-band of the family, binding the members together, even as Christ is the head of the church and the Saviour of the mystical body. Let every husband who claims to love God carefully study the requirements of God in his position. Christ’s authority is exercised in wisdom, in all kindness and gentleness; so let the husband exercise his power and imitate the great Head of the church.  {FLB 259.2}
The husband should remember that much of the burden of training his children rests upon the mother. . . . This should call into exercise his tenderest feelings, and with care should he lighten her burdens. He should encourage her to lean upon his large affections.  {FLB 259.3}
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.  {FLB 259.4}
Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord. . . . In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . .  {FLB 259.5}
God wants the home to be the happiest place on earth, the very symbol of the home in heaven. Bearing the marriage responsibilities in the home, linking their interests with Jesus Christ, leaning upon His arm and His assurance, husband and wife may share a happiness in this union that angels of God commend. Marriage does not lessen their usefulness, but strengthens it.

 Ellen White on Marriage (part 1)  Tender Ties That Bind

Ellen White on Marriage (part 2)  Love Is a Precious Gift From Jesus

Ellen White on Marriage (part 3)  The Secret of Family Unity

Ellen White on Marriage (part 4)  The Husband’s Equal

Ellen White on Marriage (part 5)  Hearts to Be Bound by the Silken Cord of Love

Ellen White on Marriage (part 6)  Give a Living Example of Self-control

Ellen White on Marriage (part 7)  How Satan Gains Entrance to the Soul

You may also be interested in an Ellen White lesson on the connection between the law and salvation.  Many people have a hard time explaining this subject.  This collection from Ellen White’s writings lists history of the law and the spiritual lessons it teaches into chronological order.

Here is a new page covering a list of little nuggets, samples from books I’m working on that I can’t wait to share. This page is updated from time to time, so check back often.

Daily Nuggets


55 Responses to “Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) Tender Ties That Bind”

  1. coleen said

    hi, i want to find if its ok if l marry someone older than me. lm a male the woman abt 6yrs older. what does ellen white say abt it. please help


    • adventbiblestudy said

      There is nothing I can find from EGW concerning age differences in marriages. She warns against great differences in age. But I don’t think 6 years is all that great of a difference.

      To learn more about marriage, you can download her books and search them for free on this site.

      I always like to go to the original source. But I can not think of anything the Bible says about age differences in marriage. If I find something I will add it.


  2. Nikki said

    Would like to know about marrying someone that isn’t of the same faith and doesn’t believe in the Sabbath…


    • adventbiblestudy said

      Sorry for taking so long to reply, this is not an answer one wants to rush into.

      When thinking about marrying a non-Christian, one text comes to everyone’s mind.

      KJV 2 Corinthians 6:14-16
      14. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
      15. And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
      16. And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

      What does it mean to be unequally yoked? I suspect Paul was referring to an answer Jesus gave about divorce.

      KJV Matthew 5:31-32
      31. It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32. But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

      I know a lot has been written about this text in Matthew, but few take the time to notice, Jesus used two different words here. He did that intentionally. We all know what adultery means, but the word fornication carries a different meaning.

      LIT Matthew 5:31-32
      31. |4483| it was said |1161| And |3754| – |3739| Whoever |0302| – |0630| puts away |3588| the |1135| wife |0846| of him, |1325| let him give |0846| her |0647| a certificate of divorce. 32. |1473| I |1161| But |3004| say |5213| to you |3754| that |3739| whoever |0302| – |0630| puts away |3588| the |1135| wife |0846| of him, |3924| apart from |3056| a matter |4202| of sexual sin, |4160| causes |0846| her |3429| to commit adultery. |2532| And |3739| whoever |1437| – |0630| the put-away one |1060| will marry |3429| commits adultery.

      Strong’s Ref. # 4202 porneia
      from GSN4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry:

      You can see the relationship between 2 Corinthians 6 and Matthew 5. They are both addressing the issue of a nonbeliever.

      Now these issues deal with a person who is not a Christian. Judging by your short question I suspect you are referring to a Christian of another faith. This is an area I think many Christians are confused. Too many people put the wrong interpretation on the word church, thinking the word church refers only to their faith and beliefs. Ask yourself, did Jesus teach doctrine? Did Jesus establish a single church dedicated to defending their doctrine? We tend to forget, the issue of salvation goes beyond the church doors.

      KJV Isaiah 64:4
      4. For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.

      God knew this would be a problem and warned about it. This is a problem that will be in the church until His return. This is why it is important to learn how to study on your own.

      KJV Isaiah 66:20-22
      20. And they shall bring all your brethren for an offering unto the Lord out of all nations upon horses, and in chariots, and in litters, and upon mules, and upon swift beasts, to my holy mountain Jerusalem, saith the Lord, as the children of Israel bring an offering in a clean vessel into the house of the Lord.
      21. And I will also take of them for priests and for Levites, saith the Lord.
      22. For as the new heavens and the new earth, which I will make, shall remain before me, saith the Lord, so shall your seed and your name remain.

      God makes it clear, He is calling all people from all nations and we are all to be priests, spreading the word. To properly understand the word of God we have to go beyond the doctrine taught by the church we belong to and most of all, we have to realize the fact, these doctrines do very little to save souls and bring other to Christ. In too many cases these doctrines do little more than create separations among God’s people.

      KJV Matthew 12:25
      25. And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:

      Don’t concentrate on the differences, concentrate on what you have in common. If you know the Bible well enough and use an inductive method of study, you can explain the meaning behind the texts. I know of many pastors and entire churches who changed their doctrines once they learned how to study God’s word. We don’t change people, the Spirit changes people.


  3. rock solid advice. I feel that to often people try to change or indoctrinate people and never leave the work for the Holy Spirit. They would rather glory in the works of men then yielding to the spirit of God.


  4. Lorraine said

    I have a question on marriage. Does the Bible or Ellen G. White make any reference to a woman being the breadwinner and her husband being the homemaker? I am considering getting re-married for the first time as a practicing christian to a man who loves the Lord. We are both SDA. He is a Bible Worker. He works hard but does not have a steady income. He tells me that he would be happy to be the home-maker until he can find something full-time in the area he is trained (Christian Counciler). My friends and family are opposed to me marrying a man that I would have to take care of financially. Anything Biblically wrong with that???


    • adventbiblestudy said

      I can not think of anything that comes to mind. You may want to check with Claudio Consuegra. He is an SDA pastor in Minn, specializing in marriage counseling. He is the best I know of. Here is a link to his web site.

      Communication and God should be the two main focal points in a marriage. We have seen a lot of downs in our marriage, the income has been a challenge over the past three years. God always seems to come through at the last moment. I think the main point is, when you are in love, and you take the time to share God in your life and marriage, you are much stronger facing any apposition. It is much easier facing challenges together.


  5. adventbiblestudy said

    Here is a very good Adventist site for marriage and relationship issues. I had the opportunity to work with Claudio for a number of years.

    Love for A Lifetime
    Principles for Relationships from God’s Word by Claudio Consuegra


  6. adventbiblestudy said

    Here is a website run by a licensed marriage counselor. far more qualified than I. You can contact Claudio from his site.


  7. Joy said

    I am curious about Mrs. White’s advice/counsel on cross-cultural relationships. I have heard she has something to say about it, but have not found anything. Any Biblical advice on the topic?
    In the process of doing mission work I have found on a couple of occasions others who were also dedicated to the same work, and seemed compatible, but were of different cultures.


  8. adventbiblestudy said

    I don’t remember reading any advise, or concerns about marriage between different cultures. My wife and I are from different cultures, but we have been able to blend the best of the 2 in a harmony beyond what they are individually.
    Searching EGW I ran across this:
    God’s Original Design.–God celebrated the first marriage. Thus the institution has for its originator the Creator of the universe. “Marriage is honourable” (Hebrews 13:4); it was one of the first gifts of God to man, and it is one of the two institutions that, after the Fall, Adam brought with him beyond the gates of Paradise. When the divine principles are recognized and obeyed in this relation, marriage is a blessing; it guards the purity and happiness of the race, it provides for man’s social needs, it elevates the physical, the intellectual, and the moral nature.–PP 46 (1890).{DG 180.2}
    It reminded me, we are all from the same parents. I would beware of the warnings about being unequally yoked. There are also a story in Ezra 10 which tells about Israel putting away strange wives. Ezr 10:3 Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.
    This is referring to wives practicing pagan religions.
    I can not think of an example against mixed marriages. Song of Solomon 1 talks about a dark skinned woman. There is also a ref to Moses marrying an Ethiopian. Num 12:1 And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.


  9. I really loved your website, it was very informative. It is not always easy creating a website, I spend many hours on mine at love for a lifetime. Keep up the good work!


  10. […] Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) […]


  11. […] Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) […]


  12. […]  Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) […]


  13. […] Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) […]


  14. […]  Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) […]


  15. […]  Ellen White on Marriage (part 1) […]


  16. A V K said

    Here are two great studies on how Adventists today misinterpret a key statement EGW made;


  17. chema hamlet said

    thank you verry much. this was a great help. but iam not married, just wanted to learn.


  18. mary banda said

    Immediately I came across your site it has really helped me a lot. My concern is also what other colleagues are going through. Am dating a non adventist man : with almost all the qualities I have been looking for , above all he is a very committed Baptist . Now concerning marrying non adventist ( not of the same faith) am stack ! What is your advice?


    • adventbiblestudy said

      That answer would be between you and God. More effectively, between the three of you. I know the circumstances are more detailed than you can put into words. DAD understands. In Romans, Paul tells us how the Spirit transfers the thoughts of our heart to the throne of God. One thing I have learned, do everything, make every decision as if you were standing before God’s throne. Would your spouse be standing with you?


    • Locardia said

      God`s instruction does not change about marring people who are not of the same faith with us ,it may seem that he has all the qualities but its not the wisest choice to make,remember the story of Archan in the bible yes the garment was very beautiful but the instruction was not to take anything no matter how good it was,it was a beautiful but a wrong garment ,will your union bring glory to God for in everything you do God must be honoured.Will you be able to protect the seed?Pray and i know that what GOD BIDS US TO DO HE WILL ENABLE US TO DO THAT,read 2Cori 6 vs 14-16


  19. Love said

    Marriage entails great responsibilities. I really love the writings of EGW.


  20. Locardia said

    i just like the writings


  21. Jacob said

    The Bible does not say the SDA is The Church. We as Adventists say that. Jesus himself says that there are many of his sheep that are out of his church whom he shall gather in the last days. So anyone who is Christian has the same Christ as his/her Saviour and they are worthy the hand of any other true Christian out there. While challenges of biblical orientation exist, willing hearts will succumb to the will of God and make the marriage work. The church itself is no guarantee of a good marriage as many are married in the church but face the same challenges as the world does.I am the Family Life Director at my church and witness saddening things done by members of the flock. i stand guilty as any of them as i write.


  22. adventbiblestudy said

    Matthew the Stories of Jesus’ Ministry is now available for download in a series of three eBooks. Link here to order your copies today.


  23. Melva said

    Ditto from Jacob above,
    My first marriage to an SDA was a disaster and almost cost me my life. My second marriage, the love of my life, was a Catholic man who did not even practice his own religion, but treated me like a precious jewel. On the night he died he actually witnessed to me in talking of Godly things such as forgiveness even before he had his fatal heart attack. The third was also an SDA and ,oh, how poorly he has treated me from day one and how selfish he became. I have time and time again trusted him only to be fooled. I don’t every plan on marrying again, but if I did, I would consider a Christian man from another denomination. Having dated other Adventist men in the past they all were wolves in sheep clothing. They put up this SDA sign when they meet another SDA and if you look carefully you’ll see there is not the word CHRISTIAN attached to it in any way.

    Keeping my distance in Tennessee


    • Jacob said

      I am sorry about the repeated bad treatment you have had from SDA men. Without sounding self opposing, i wish to point out that they do not represent per ser the the type of men found in the SDA although such men are found within and without the SDA. Sin is what has affected men to this extent and it goes to show how much work the christian world has to do to bring Christ into the lives of all sinners. I know you are hurting badly but pray about it to your Christ and even pray for those who have offended you and given a false image about Christ. Read what the bible says about people who take the name of God in vain, there is a definite consequence to people who do that and we learn this lesson from many stories in the bible. Anyone hurting a fellowman christian or otherwise is hurting God and God will avenge on their behalf. Stay strong in Christ


      • adventbiblestudy said

        Thank you for the response Jacob. I think it speaks for a lot of us, or maybe the few who see Jesus in the light (understanding) He came to give to the world. Praying some of the stories I am writing on the Gospel of Mark will shed a little light on the subject. I noticed Matthew ended with a very important question. What happened to the disciples between Jesus’ death and ascension? I think Mark fills in some of the details showing what and how the disciples learned. After all, don’t some people call the Bible something along the lines of basic instructions, a manual maybe.


      • Jacob said

        Stay blessed Sis and keep working for the lord. Hope to meet in heaven and continue our discussion


  24. Mere said

    I read this in a book that was a compilation of Sister White’s counsel on marriage and divorce and she was clear that unless a person was an Adventist who believed in present truth, they were not equally yolked with us (assuming that we believed the same). I can’t put my hand on the book, but if anyone can provide the reference, that would help in the question of marrying other Christians. Remember, they are in Babylon. Now if they came out of Babylon and accepted present truth about the Sabbath, etc. that would be another thing. These important issues will divide your household in the future.


  25. Mwakapona Francis said

    no reference writtern down


  26. radbert said

    Hi I want find that what does holy Bible says about cousins marriages I think isn’t forbidden leviticus chapter doesn’t include cousins in it
    I want to marry to my second cousin from my mothers side


  27. Hilda said

    Is it written in one of Ellen Whites books that once you divorce a person you should not marry that person again?


    • adventbiblestudy said

      It sounds like you are listening to one of the many people misquoting what they read to suit their own standards. EGW said very little about divorce. She avoided comments on the subject because she knew it was a personal matter between the individual and God.


    • Jacob said

      If you decide to use an authority, leave book title, and page to authenticate your submission


      • adventbiblestudy said

        Every reference includes credits. AH (Advent Home) and page number are included on all the quotes.


  28. Liby said

    is it ok to marry your first cousin? does the bible object it?


  29. Tanya Lawson said

    I live in USA a country where Divorce cases seems to be the order of the day,i was married to my husband Lawson for 18 years and we were living happily together with our 3 kids and all of a sudden their came this sad moment for the first time in my life i curt my husband having an affair with a lady outside our marriage before this time i have already started noticing strange behavior like he used to spend some time with us, comes home early after work but since he started having an affair with this lady all his love for his wife gone and he now treats me badly and will not always make me happy.I had to keep on moving with my life never knowing that our marriage was now leading to divorce which i can not take because i love Lawson my husband so much and i can\\\’t afford to loose him to this strange Lady,i had to seek a friends advice on how i could resolve my marriage problem and make the divorce case not to take place and my husband live this Lady and come back to me again having heard my story my friend decided to help me at all cost she then referred me to A spell caster named Priest A—, my friend also told me that Priest A— have helped so many people that were going through divorce, and also finding possible ways to amend their broken relationship. To cut my story short i contacted Priest A— and in just four days after the spell was done my husband left the other lady and withdrew the divorce case all till now my husband is with me and he now treats me well and we are living happily together again all appreciation goes to Priest A— i never could have done this my self, so to whom it may concern if you are finding difficulty in your relationship or having problems in your marriage just contact Priest A— he is Powerful and his spell works perfectly,i am somebody who never believed or heard about spell but i gave it a try with Priest A— and today every thing is working well for me and if you need his help his email is (priesta—spells@—


    • adventbiblestudy said

      Sorry I had to cut off the name of the priest and his email. Although this has signs of a scam, I decided to post it because it used a contrast to teach a lesson. The world is filled with spiritualists trying to make a fast buck. I can’t believe a spiritualist would try advertising on a web page showing how to work to get closer to Christ, dedicate your life to Him, and see the results in a happier marriage, but offering a short cut. I can’t imagine people would fall for a quick fix like a magic spell to fix a marriage. But I suppose the world is filled with people looking for short cuts. It goes to show, the person claiming to be in dire straights didn’t take a few minutes to find a lasting solution to their problem. A quick fix was all they wanted, and a short term solution is all they are going to find. That’s what happens when you refuse to sacrifice.


  30. sithobekile ndlezane said

    This book helped me alot


  31. adventbiblestudy said

    We can’t explain the depth of Jesus’ love any more than we can understand or feel the pain He went through. Come on now, don’t you understand He came here as a human and felt much more than the cold, heat, exhaustion, hunger, the lash on His back, nails through His hands and feet, thrones on His head, and those other physical pains. Jesus felt more emotion and heartbreak than we could imagine. Because His love is so much deeper than ours, so is the emotional pain. Does that explain why people don’t hear Him communicate with them? Is it because they have no intentions or desires to return His love and Jesus is protecting His heart from the pain? Can we blame Him?


  32. Arnel Rebustes said

    In the leviticus its not mention there that marrying 5th cousin is forbidden.can you help me how to understand this word?does ellen g.white wrote regarding of marrying 5th cousin?please help me to understand this.


    • adventbiblestudy said

      Your 1st problem is straying away from God’s Word to find an answer. EGW’s role as prophet was to lead people back to God and His Word. She was never a seer as described by Samuel. But some people try to convince the world that’s what she was. No wonder there is so much confusion. What you need to do is go directly to the infinite source of knowledge. See Hebrews 10. Approach God’s throne, ask Him, and wait for His answer. It may take some time. He may give you a series of thoughts to consider. He may verify the answer in His Word, or may send someone with a message. Or all three. From experience, I can tell you, God will always confirm an important message. It’s up to you to listen as well as accept or reject that message. The key is to listen — not to direct God. If you asked your physical father for advise and tried to direct his answer, what do you think the outcome would be?


  33. Arnel said

    my mother and the youngest are only faithful Adventist in our family and i felt almost lost the love of god.i was baptized at the age of 7 and too young to understand the words of god and i hope its not too late to repent.she is a distant relatives as what i said maybe 5th degree or more and we’re not even close with them.i heard before that we have no relations in blood its so happened that long ago my forefather[my grand father’s father] was the one who change their sure name.but still i felt guilty maybe because in my mind there’s a possibility the she is a distant relatives.we had one daughter already and i want to repent and change everything.i know its not easy to do this please pray for me.


    • adventbiblestudy said

      The walk up God’s mountain is an uphill climb, no matter who you are.
      Isaiah 2:2-3 NLTse In the last days, the mountain of the LORD’s house will be the highest of all– the most important place on earth. It will be raised above the other hills, and people from all over the world will stream there to worship. (3) People from many nations will come and say, “Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of Jacob’s God. There he will teach us his ways, and we will walk in his paths.” For the LORD’s teaching will go out from Zion; his word will go out from Jerusalem.

      We all need to go there to learn. So don’t let anyone make you think the are higher on that mountain than you or more important. Like Isaiah wrote, we all go there to learn and our only job is to tell other people God’s mountain is the place to learn.


  34. abel said

    These are so great commentary.


    • adventbiblestudy said

      This is the most popular page on this site. But I’m waiting for a few more sales in the book on Mark’s Gospel. I would think people would be more interested in reading what Jesus taught about relationships. Writing that book showed me how Jesus cried out to find some kind of love returned in some way, shape or form before His ministry met at the cross. There was one. But what happened to the rest of the people who followed Jesus?


  35. Della Caulley said

    Real we be married in heaven if we’ve only been married to each other on Earth and have never married anyone else well I mean it’s cool we be husband and wife and haven’t since we’ve never been married to anyone else we were married at age 17 and 18 and we were married for 46 years and my husband passed away and I never married again so I think so we be married in heaven


  36. To gain experience


  37. sebanani said

    this lady was gifted with prophecy talent


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